Sweet as cake

Johnathan French wow im in love i never thought i would find a girl as perfect as tiffany. we have been togather for a month and a half now and with no bumps.October 2, 2010

That's gotta be the sweetest thing I've ever read.

Dreams

WhaleTo see a whale in your dream, represents your intuition and awareness. You are in tuned with your sense of spirituality. Alternatively, a whale symbolizes a relationship or business project that may be too big to handle. You are feeling overwhelmed. The dream may also be a pun on "wailing" and a desire to cry out about something.

Jigsaw Puzzle To see or do a jigsaw puzzle in your dream, represents a mental challenge or problem that you need to solve in your waking life. If there are pieces missing in the puzzle, then it suggest that you do not have all the facts needed to make an informed decision

Boyfriend To see your boyfriend in your dream, represents your waking relationship with him and how you feel about him.

Tears To dream that you are in tears, signify that you are undergoing a period of healing in your life. The tears symbolize compassion, emotional healing and spiritual cleansing. Alternatively, tears indicate pain.

Sister To see your sister in your dream, symbolizes some aspect of your relationship with her, whether it one of sibling rivalry, nurturance, protectiveness, etc. Your sister may draw attention to your family role. Or the dream may also serve to remind you that someone in your waking life has characteristics similar to your sister. Alternatively, your sister may be a metaphor for a nun. In this case, she may represent some spiritual issues.

You'll understand this in a few.

i had a dream last night after having an argument with Scott.

Scott: "So you gave the belt I gave you to Ryan?"

TifA: "Yes, he always wears it, I never see it, and I have a hard time fitting it."

Scott: "I guess I'll give whatever you gave me away to someone."

Tifa:"Why?!"

Scott:"Because you couldn't keep anything gave you."

Tifa: "Scott, It didn't fit anymore and I never saw it, its not like I lost a $70 dollar jacket, shirts, pants, my favorite wallet that you lost!"

Scott:"What the hell is your problem?!"

Tifa: "Just leave me alone."

Scott:"Get the fuck off your period!"

Tifa: "Get the fuck over it."

I stopped texting after that and he got pissed and I went to sleep and had a nightmare.

~Me and John were at his house, he had his own place, I guess you could call it our place. He was cooking dinner for us while I was going a jigsaw puzzle of a whale facing outwards like it was going to jump out of the puzzle. All of a sudden, there was a knocking on the door and we both looked up. He said he'd get it, and opened the door. It was one of his ex-girlfriends. He brought her into the house and sat her and him at the table, while I was sitting on the other side of the table on the floor. He started talking to her, and I couldn't hear the words, but after what felt like a few hours, I don't even know where dinner went, I went to the room and asked him to come with, and he said he couldn't leave her, she needed attention. So I said whatever and went to the room, and came back out later and heard sucking noises like they had been kissing or something. I just sat in the room and cried and my sister came over to help me with the puzzle which was in the room now and to calm me down. John came back into the room a little while later and Linds was gone and I said you kissed her, didn't you? And I woke up.

WWE?

I'm sitting here watching it. Its like a memorandum. Damn commercials. I LOVE YOU CENA! just sayin'.
Today was alright. School. Home. Homework. Then Amberlee came over and we went to the pawn shop to look for a radio for her car, and I got a game. Then we went to the Dollar Theatre and saw Inception. It is a must see that really makes you think. Kinda like the Davinci Code. It really makes you think, and its one of those movies you have to watch twice to really get it.
Sometimes I wonder what my place is in this world. Am I here to live, laugh, and love? Or to breed? Or to make others happy? Or to just live life to the fullest since I only have one chance?
Who knows. I'll find out when I'm old and understand life.
Don't you remember Pee Wee Herman?
And to a certain someone who will never read this.... I hate you. I'm really beginning to despise every time you text me. All you so is piss me off. Every time I read something about you, I get infuriated. I want you to stay the hell out of my life. All you do is complicate it. Leave me the hell alone. I loved you once, but I no longer do.
Just needed to get that out.

A new Day

So its a new day.
i shall elaborate what has happened since the last time I posted. Well, starting with my most vivid memories.
Thursday night, it was alright, but I was snappy at John for small things, even though he blames it on my period. I don't. Today had its goods and bads.
Woke up and went to school, typical, except I woke up at about 730 and knew I wasn't going back to sleep because Daniel and Nika were bustling around the room, so I got in the shower. I remember sitting on the toilet begging my period to start because it always does on Wednesday, but didn't show up till Friday afternoon. I was worried at first, but then I thought about it, me and John didn't even really do anything this month. He's been working WAY to much and when he gets off, he's tired and I respect that. I would know, working on cars all day IS tiring. But then it came after class because I went to the bathroom and sure enough, the blood gates opened in my vagina. Lol.
Went out to the gazebos and told everyone about my car and how it was getting crushed today, and I'd only get like 200 bucks out of it, Gary offered 300 because he was tired of paying for a 2005 vehicle he got and wanted something already paid off that he could fix, but then Tommy said he would pay 350 for it. I was shocked. I really was. I didn't expect to get that much out of it, but I did. So he got my number and called me later on saying he'd be by to pick it up.
So I got home and ate my ramen and waited for John to get to my house shortly after. I had to run to the post office to mail off Kayla's stuff, and he said lets go to the mall, and sure enough ended up in Victoria's Secret. He bought me two bras. I'm wearing one right now, they're so worth it and I love it already. Then we went to pipe dreams and he bought two cigars, and was looking at Zippo lighters. I pointed out like 10 of them I liked, but I liked the scratched, classic looking one the most. So he told the guy he decided on which one he wanted to get and bought one, I wasn't paying attention to which one he got. Went outside for a smoke and I told him to give me his lighter and he said, "Enjoy lighting your cigarette with your new Zippo," and handed me the scratched, classic looking one that I wanted. I was speechless. First bras then a zippo! So then we started heading back to my house, but stopped by the Ford dealership cause John has his sites on a F350. I told him he better let me drive it! We were there for about a half hour, then we went home for a little while waiting for Tommy to get there to pick up the car. But he took forever so we went to AutoParts and got a seat cover for his truck, then he swerved into China Buffet and said, "We're going to eat!" I was like are you kidding me?! Forst bras, then lighter, then FOOD!? I'm in heaven! oh man, it was good. Then Kayla called and we talked for a few. Finally Tommy called and said he was on his way when we got done eating and got everything settled with the car. When he drove off with Ameno, my stomach dropped. I wanted to cry. But I didn't. I held it in until I was driving to Moms to give her some money and my eyes watered up. Cavaliers were everywhere. Like it was haunting me. We got back to my house and John had to leave cause he has work in the morning. And i got on here to see I have to write my psychology essay, Obama essay, Speech outline, and Economics test to do all tomorrow. Oh boy, I can't wait... ugh.
Successfully depressing and happy day.

Emotions can kill you. Psychologically.

Sometimes I wonder if I really do have a place in this world. Completely oblivious to the things around me. I hurt those who make me happy. I stay with those who hurt me. There are those who I stick with that are good influences on me, such as Kayla and John. But there are more that hurt me than heal me. I've been so depressed lately. I know I have a new car and a new laptop and all, but I can't get over Ameno and what's going to happen tomorrow. I've been told to get over it and that Ameno is just an inanimate object, just a car, and I blew up. Ameno may be a car, but she was my first and we had so many memories. I know everyone goes through it, but everyones emotions are different. I loved that car. Everyone knew when I drove by, it was me. I've been having headaches all the time, i guess now I know what Kayla goes through all the time.
I have a zit that is irritating the hell out of my right above my eyebrow.
Sometimes I sit here and think of how pathetic I've become. I go to school only for an hour, then I come home and get online till i go to sleep. I try to make plans with friends, but things always end up coming up.
I actually went out today. Went with a friend to the WR stadium to see her kid in the band competition, it was actually pretty interesting.
What is wrong with me?
I think I know what it is.
I start my period tomorrow...

For every good(yin), there is a bad(yang).

So last week was terrible. Utterly horrible. Sometimes I envy those people who have everything given to, but at the same time, I'm happy that I know the value of things that those people wouldn't.
Last week, my car broke. My laptop was failing as well. I had no money. I was getting slightly depressed about some things. I was worried sick about my best friend. School was a bother, but it always is.No sleep, and when I did, I woke up with headaches. Small things John did were getting on my nerves, but it was because I was already irritable.
This week. I got a new car. A new laptop. Hair extensions. A little bit of cash on me. Slept good for one night, but still waking up like every half hour.
It may be just my period coming, but I've been getting more irritated lately. I was on Facebook, and I noticed one of Scott's statuses and it was about Ant, and I just got pissed off cause he was accusing me of things that weren't true, and he blamed the breakup with me and him on me cause Scott was hurting and all. I understand the hurt cause I went through it too, but my feelings don't matter to him and I told him off for that, and he was all blah blah 90000 sentences long reply, and said "go ahead and talk about me to your friends, I don't care," but what was going through my head was, "What the hell do I have to tell my friends about you other than your a pathetic excuse of a human right now, like you're really worth talking about?!"
I was pissed. but it happens. Its life.
So today was a little bit better with the exception of stated above. Went to school, and had to dress up because I had to present my speech, I felt a little better knowing that I was the only one who said the speech without reading off something. About 89% of the class read strait off their paper or index card. I was proud xD, then I went home and called my supervisor about the laptop again, and he just got back into town so I met up with him at the computer store and got this laptop right then and there. That was a plus as well.
Hung out with Scott for about 3 hours today, it was alright. Went to his house for a few, then went to Wally World to look at something, then went to Starbucks, then dropped him off at his work so I could be home for when John got off work.
Came home and checked the mail, and the ring I ordered for me with stars on it for my thumb came in and the one I got for John with dragons on it came in as well, I was happy. he's still wondering how much I paid for them. He thinks because they're surgical stainless steel that I paid like $15, but I'll let him keep thinking that. Thing is, I got them overseas.... hehe. My phone charm came in as well. Which is another good thing.
I'm constantly worrying about Kayla, and she knows this. I want to be there for her as much as I can. It is what best friends do for each other. She means more to me than my own boyfriend does. But theres always a different type of love and friendship that the other cannot breach.
So here my update. I'll try and do this more often, if not everyday, then every other day if I had something to say about it.
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but dammit, make it fast.

Dreams

Don't we all think of the things we want and the things that we cannot have?
Sometimes in my subconscious, I see two women, it looks like they're in a kitchen, laughing and having a good time. Then the two each pick up a child that seems no older than 2 years old. One of the children seems to be a boy, with big blue eyes and blonde hair. The other seems to be a girl with curly red hair and gorgeous green eyes. The children seem to be best friends, along with the woman that seems to be so as well.... But I wonder, where are the males in this photo? Are they there, in the picture, or were they never there to begin with?

Today was a failure. Went to school, and didn't really do anything, just sat around at the gazebos like normal. I thought I was going to get my laptop today, but it turns out that the guy that wrote out the forms for me to get it... Had to go up to Macon and sign the release forms... So, I went up there for absolutely nothing, and not to mention, I felt horrible cause we took my friends, Mikes' car. It sucked, then I came home and worked on homework like I do every day. Nothing new for me. Kids wanted food so I made pizza, fries, egg sammiches, and hot pockets. That's a lot for 4 kids that don't want to eat the same thing. But they all got fed, so all's good.
John stopped by after he got off work long enough to smoke a cig and tell me how his day at work went. I didn't really get to talk to him all that much cause I was cooking dinner, so I really only got to see him long enough to say "Hey, I love you, sleep well, drive home careful, and text me later."
Then got on the computer to do some stuff and thought I might as well update while I'm at it.

Dreams are not boundaries, they're portals.

V10L4710N

So. Today, I woke up, and was thinking, Okay, I don't have to go to school today, Its Wednesday. So I roll over and then the recognition hit me... I had to get my physical done at the health department in Hawkinsville today.
K1LL M3?!!!
Not to mention my car isn't in the best of shape right now. Something is wrong with the engine. So I had to drive down to Hawkinsville in my car, scared that she might just stop on me, but luckily she got me to my gramma2s house and we used her car to get me to the health department and all.
I had to

1. Sit in the waiting room for 20 minutes.
2. Get called in to check my weight.
3. Piss in a cup.
4. Get my finger pricked.
5. Get blood drawn from my arm.
6. Answer questions, while No.5 is happening.
7. Strip.
8. Get checked for breast cancer(I think she took a liking to my nipple rings).
9. Get violated.
10. Get two shots in my arm.

Damn, that was a lot of steps. And it happens once a year. That was my 4th time. And my car took me back to my house will a little hassle, but nothing I couldn't deal with. Found out I get my new laptop tomorrow, which I'm really happy for, no more fighting with this one just to get it to turn on.
Anyways there Kaykay, you got your update. xD

FAIRE TIEM!

So me and John went to the fair today. It was ahmazing!
I haven't had that much fun in a long time. Seems like everything I do with John is fun. Nothing perverted lol.
We went around riding the rides that a lot of people are too scared to ride, then the mega one, SPEED. We actually went on that one twice it was so good. It cost us 10 tickets so technically we used like 40, but John and I think that it was totally worth it. And it was.
I spent all day with him. Finally his first day off and we got to do something together, including spending almost his whole paycheck. I didn't spend all of it! I swear! Haha.
I had my candy apple when we first got there, then later on before we left I had my funnel cake. Boy, was I good to go. That's all that I really wanted, aside from spending a bookoo on drinks. Man, for a once a year event, they sure do know how to kick people in the ass with money. For sure.
Lucky me, I wore my boots this year so people wouldn't step on my toes. It sure did work. So for in payment for not getting my toes stepped on, I got two HUGE blisters on the back of my heels. x.x
So anyways, here I am at Johns for the night, he's playing some Halo Reach, and I'm typing my day up. We're prolly about to go to sleep, walking around all day and laughing on the rides and not sleeping good, we'll prolly sleep good tonight.
Maybe not though, cause I have to sleep out on the couch cause his dad is old fashioned. He sleeps in his room, I gotta sleep on the couch out in the living room. suuuuucks cause everyone sees me snoozin'. o.o'''''''
Anyways, this is my conclusion.
~Tifa.

Dunkin' Donuts.

Its Friday, October 08, 2010.
I have created a new blog.
Something to spill my thoughts out into.
And Kayla wanted me to make another one and actually keep up with it. Maybe I will. ;)

So today. I went to school, usual routine where I wake up at 9, get dressed, get to the school and sit at the gazebos will 11 comes around when its time for my first class. Speech. Simple enough with the topics that my group automatically put me as the leader because I was the one that asked questions and I'm not afraid to say what I want to about something. So we did that and I made everyone come up with topics over the weekend and maybe Monday we can come up with something that we all relate to.
Class was done, meaning I was back out at the gazebos, I got to see John like I always do before he goes to work and I go home. Daniel went with me cause Heather didn't feel like picking him up. Hell, we get out at the same time. They're just picky and want to go home right when they get out. Men.
Got home and had to run to Perry to drop off a paper. There was only one car there and I thought they were closed, but they weren't and I got to turn it in. My car was still being mean to me and not wanting to start. My O2 sensor is messing up and that's not a cheap part to replace and not only that, but I don't have the money, even though my boyfriend IS a mechanic. There's only so much he can do.
After that, Scott and Ashley came over, and if looks could kill, I'd be roadkill from his new girlfriend. There's the whole ex hate thing going on even though I don't really feel for him anymore. Then I had to go pick up Nika from school, which was not surprising because she missed a week of school, gotta catch up sometime.
Then went home and took my tests. Made a 100 for Economics, and go figure a 65 for Psychology. Because its Psychology, you have to read in-between the lines, and I don't like doing that. Just give me good ol' definitions and I'm good to go, but noooo, gotta make things difficult, of well, Kayla, that's your major, not mine. Haha.
At about 8, John got off work and we helped my friend Rosalind move, but her buddies that did it for her took FOREVER, they didn't want to do anything at all while she was at work.. In 2 hours, we only had 2 trunkfulls. If it had been my way, we would've gotten everything done right then and there. But it wasn't my call and I'm not demanding anyone.
Then after that we met Lindz, Chris, and his little brother, Josh at Dunkin' Donuts and I got a White Hot Chocolate and some Glazed Munchkins. Good old times.
Tomorrow we gotta go to Cordele cause we're celebrating Lindzs', James', and Pauls' birthday. Going to Golden Corral for Brunch if you wanna call it that. Its at 1, so you tell me.
Get home, check up Facebook, Myspace, and Ebay.
Then get on here and type all this.

Other than that, my love life's going very well. Me and John are doing excellent. Going on 2 months strong. He wants to get his own place and me move in with him. It sounds like a nice offer, but I'm still iffy cause that was the start on the final straw between me and Scott. But things are different with me and him. Its always optional. I'm just tired of being another mouth to feed, another bill almost. I just want to fit in and be accepted. Not just a nuisance. Its what bugs me the most about being out on my own. You become everyone else's problem. I hate it.
There's no freedom.
Just a pandoras box.